Tuesday, November 16, 2010

A Prayer to God, for the Grace of Letting-Go

Loving God, I give you thanks
for having called me
to this great
and wonderful adventure

called seminary life.
While my heart is filled with joy
and my spirit with great excitement,
I am slowly discovering
that this path I have chosen

asks that I give up many things
which have already become
part of my life.

And let me be honest with you,
I’m not finding it easy at all.

It is not always easy to let go of what I’ve gotten used to, Lord.

It’s difficult to let go of late night outings with my friends
instead of studying.

It’s difficult to let go of mornings when I can stay in bed
instead of going to prayer.

It’s difficult to let go of the good food that I’ve enjoyed at home.
It’s difficult to let go of the freedom to go
wherever and do whatever I please on weekends.
It’s difficult to let go of my friends,
especially that girl whom I like so much.
It’s difficult to let go of those moments when I choose to be by myself
instead of having to deal with members of the seminary community
some of whom I don’t like, and who do not like me.
It’s difficult to let go of many more things,
old habits really die hard.

This new life scares me at times too.
How do I know all this letting-go will bear fruit?
How do I know that giving up all these things
will result in my becoming happy with the path I have chosen?
How do I know that letting go of my great ambitions in life
will really enable me to give my entire life to you alone?
How do I know that all the sacrifices being asked of me
will really make me a good priest?
How do I know that I will not fall later on
and cause pain and sorrow to your church?
How do I know that this is your will for me and how do I know
that I am not making a mistake when I try
to overcome my anxiety that it might not be?

Speak, Lord, your servant listens.
Let me put my trust completely in you.
Allow me to see that though the initial stage of my journey
can sometimes be dark, difficult, and uncertain,
your presence is more than enough to calm my fears,
to lighten my burden, and to give me the strength and courage
to stick to this path that I have chosen,
in the firm conviction that you who have asked me
to let-go of many things that
have so given comfort and consolation to my life
will give me in their stead,
the greatest consolation there can be:
the knowledge that wherever I go,
whatever happens, whomever I become,
you will always be there to love, guide, and protect me.

Amen.

"The Kingdom of Heaven is a condition of the heart." (Friedrich Nietzsche)